The Law of Attraction in My Life

Hello all!  It has been a very long time since I have posted anything here.  In fact, it has been 8 years. What a roller coaster ride I have been on in that time.  But, rather than bore you with the events that have come to pass, I have made the decision to move forward in my life with gratitude, age and grace.

Many years ago, I watched the movie, “The Secret” which I found very interesting.  But life being as it was and me being who I was, I move along in life.  Recently, the Secret came back into my life.  It was very subtle.  I am currently working in a job I never expected to get, but has become something good.  My boss is a wonderful man who gives to all and passes on his abundance willingly.

I was “complaining” about situations in my life that I always “said” I have no control over.  He handed me a book to read called, “The Science of Getting Rich” by Wallace D. Wattles.  Something inside me immediately thought, “this is exactly what I need.”  I started to read the book and realized that nothing happens by mistake.  I moved onto re-reading “The Secret.”

I am not sure at this moment what is going to happen in my life.  I believe in God and the Law of Attraction.  In the last two weeks, I have not “attracted” vast amounts of cash, but little by little, I do see that Law of Attraction working its way into my world.  Little things like making a sale within minutes of asking for it.  A sale that saved us that week.  I see it working in my relationship with my daughter, my nemesis, who I normally am at odds with constantly.  We are seemingly on the same “frequency.”  I see it in the teeny tiny refund from the government amongst a mound of debt.

I am compelled to tell you all that I began this blog in response to a book I wrote after a very tough time in my life called, “What a Difference a Day Makes:  A Survival Guide for Women.”  It is no longer available for sale, but for some strong reason, I feel that it will become available again.

I live in Newtown, CT.  After the shootings in my town in 2012, I wrote a book of poetry called, “A Poem a Day Keeps Depression Away.”  This was a collection of poems that came out after the tragedy and while I was struggling with a health problem that engulfed my life.

I have to be completely honest here by saying I have not thought of these books in a long time.  But I do believe in the Law of Attraction and that God only brings good things into my life.  So, I am following this instinct I am feeling to write about it and re-post these books.  I don’t know what will become of this, but I do plan to write about my journey with the Law of Attraction so that if there is anyone out there who feels the same way I do or is in the same situation, it may help them.

Thanks.

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Is It Over?

Is it over?
Your eyes rarely find mine
Across the table we’ve made
Built through years of love
And laughter
And family

Is it over
Never a good morning
Or good night
Reluctant pecks on cheeks
Distant pats on backs
Separate
Distant
But fine, always…..fine.

Resolved to move forward
Vows made, never broken
Recycled promises

It is over
My old friend
Who once caused me
to hold my breath
Anticipating you close to me

Now barely recognizing my presence

I will stay
For you are all I’ve ever known
All I’ve ever wanted
All there will ever be
For me.

It is over

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Shit Rolls Down Hill

I am a mother
Of four mini me’s
On most days I’m glad
They are quite interesting.

Today I was crippled
By actions one took
As she secretly cut herself
A page from my book

At first I was horrified
Saddened, then angry
How dare she insinuate
Her life is not gravy
I am the greatest
#1 mom…it’s true
How could she do this to me
Not a clue

Shit rolls down hill
That flashed through my mind
This illness she has
Started like mine.
I cut and I hated
I angered and hit
I screamed out for love
But hissed and continued

Shit rolls downhill
Like it always has
It’s time that I leveled
This playing field

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Chicklets

Chicklets

Mom always had chicklets in her purse
I could hear them when she moved it
I would ask her for some
She’d say she had none

“I can hear them!”
I’d say.
“I don’t have them!”
She’d say.

Sister got chicklets.
Brother got chicklets.
Even her friend with the creepy long finger nails got chicklets.

I never did.

I knew she had them.

I could hear them.

I am chicklet-less.

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Hop Little Bird

Hop little bird
Close to the edge
Allow the claw to taste freedom
Closer now

Teetering on the edge
She wills herself to jump
Into a pool of uncertainty

Lingering
Clouded with doubt
HOP LITTLE BIRD!!!!
JUMP!!

Not today
She decides
Creeping back into the nest
Disgusted with her fear
She hears herself bellow aloud
Jump little bird!!

One by one
The others jump

She never does!

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Today I say NO!!

Today I say NO!!

NO…..
dishes
washing
nasty ass bathroom
dog piss
cereal bowl with concrete crispies
toothpaste plastered sink
shopping
garbage
coffee on tap
lunches
breakfast
HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT!

NO…
driving
chauffeuring
changing music stations
nagging
yelling
“pick up your crap”
begging
pleading
make your own dinner
BRATS!

NO…
smiling
hugging
damn psycho babble
compromise
understanding
giving my time

NO…

fat jokes
diets
mom jokes
staring at wrinkles
thank you’s
or please’s
JUST DO WHAT IS TOLD YOU!!

NO…
I’ll do it’s
I’ll get it’s
Don’t worry about that’s
remote control tutorials
FIGURE IT OUT… ASS!!!

I’m tired and loathsome….
and I’ll tell you why!
This mantra’s of no’s….
Won’t ever fly!

Today I will silently
glare and offend
and whisper
JUST FUCK OFF!

 

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You Sir….

You Sir…..
are an impostor
sheep follow silently
listening with baded breath
lamentating
silently seeking
addicted.

I see through you!
I know your truth!
your smiles fade when backs are turned
the needy seeking that warmth
that knowledge
so boldy bestowed on the whole
but not on the one who lingers
trade your cloak in.

You Sir….

Disappoint!

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Is Jesus a Dirty Word??

It has been a while since I have posted anything on my blog. Life, children and general distractions took me away from what I love to do. But recently, in fact, this morning, I felt compelled to write this post.

I am a firm believer in Jesus. I talk to him in the morning, throughout my day, and at night when I am recounting my day. I ask Him to give me strength to do His will and thank Him for his many blessings. I wouldn’t consider myself a “Holy Roller”, always inserting Jesus into conversation and forcing people to hear my side while being ignorant to other views of spirituality. I have always been unassuming and quiet in my adoration.

Recently, I have been noticing a trend in media, social networking and general consensus, that to be a believer is viewed as being closed minded and idiotic. That we believe in a notion or practice a religion that is portrayed as flawed and hypocritical. It is almost scowled upon to mention Jesus in conversation. People snicker and raise their eyebrows if one mentions a Bible quote or dares to mention sin.

What happens in society as a whole has never been much of a concern to me because, it just wasn’t. Who am I to think that I have any control over the world. My concern has always, and will always, be my immediate family. It pains me to see my husband and oldest son turn away from Jesus and make jokes. But worse than being pained, it seems more acceptable to make jokes than to believe.

Yesterday, I was sitting in the living room with my two girls and youngest son. I turned on the television so we could watch a movie and hit the wrong button on the remote. The Christian contemporary music channel came on. As they were playing on their “iGadgets”, I inadvertently left it on and just sat. Suddenly I noticed my 13 soon to be 14 year old daughter raise her eyebrows and smirk. I asked her what was so funny. She said that the song sounded funny. Then my 11 year old daughter chimed in and said that she didn’t know christian music sounded like this. I told them how they were lucky because when I was a kid, there wasn’t any “cool” Christian music. Then I remembered a band I listened to as a teen. They were a Christian heavy metal, band named Stryper. But, I digress.

My older daughter said that her friends mom always played this music and it was annoying. She continued to say how it wouldn’t be right for me to play this music if someone came into the house who wasn’t Christian. That I would be forcing them to listen to it. Now, if you all knew me personally, you would know that I am not one to be told what I can and cannot do I my own home. I told my daughter that if her friend didn’t like the music, then she would have to leave. Period!

This was just a small illustration of what I mean when I ask if Jesus a dirty word. Society has become so anti-religion that even I, a devout believer, have found myself second-guessing posting something related to Jesus on my Facebook page, having seen the onslaught of insolence that follows. I do not debate with people over my God. I do not defend my position. What is happening?

I have recently been listening to audio books at bedtime and while working around the house. I stumbled upon a series of books called the “left Behind” series by Tim Lehay and Jerry B. Jenkins. As any other believer knows, these would be books about what would happened after the rapture. What would happen to all those “left behind”. Again, I must tell you that I never took much stock in end of world stories, as it says in the Bible that no one knows the day or time that He will return, and most of these stories are very exaggerated for the readers sake. But, in listening to the books, I have been exposed to scripture, especially Revelation, that I never paid attention to. I have read the book of Revelation and it was difficult for me to take in due to its extreme symbolism and language. It’s hard to wrap my mind around. But in the stories I have been listening to, many of these passages are explained in a way that I could understand. The greatest of them being the “soon.”

Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not packing my bags yet, but I am noticing things. The greatest of these being the slow, but steady abolishment of religion. God being taken out of our pledge. Religion being forbidden in schools, even individually. Children being told that they cannot wear shirts bearing religious symbols. Churches being desecrated and clergy being assaulted. Recently in Florida, my sister said that she had to prove that she as a citizen when renewing her license, which I think is necessary, but that her new license bore a gold star proving this. It made me think of the number. You know what I mean!

It is not my intention to those who have read this far to panic or have fear in any way. I do think those of you who have read this far understand my concern. I think it is time for us to begin speaking up and, yes, defending our belief. Defending our God! When scowled upon, ask why. When confronted with hostility, ask why. When speaking to our children, press on. Tell them why we believe. Tell them why we are here and where we believe we will go. Make sure to keep our minds and hearts ready.

When someone asks or is seeking Him, gently converse. Explain to them how we feel and why we believe. You would be surprised how many out there in this cold unforgiving world seek forgiveness. Seek only love. We know where unconditional love comes from. As I tell my children, there may come a time when you are frightened, alone and the dark one is at your back. I tell them that the gift that we have as Christians is an instant message system directly to Jesus. To say His name out loud and affirm that you have nothing to fear because you are a true believer. This is the greatest gift you could ever give to another human being. Freedom from fear.

It isn’t okay to just accept blasphemy. (Ooooh, another dirty word)
It isn’t okay to accept disrespect from our children because of the times they are living in. It isn’t okay to allow disrespect of Jesus in our own homes. In fact, the other day, my husband was using his joking tone when mentioning Jesus and I got so angry, that I turned around and yelled, “ENOUGH!!!”. I said that it was not okay for him to pass on his issues with religion on to our children! I told him that I would not have it! Period!!
He got the message loud and clear and I pray for Him every day.

I thank you all who have read this whole post. It is a pretty long one, but as I said in the beginning, I felt oddly compelled to write this today. Maybe some of you needed to read it. Jesus has Risen!

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In Memory of 26 Angels in Newtown

I live in Newtown and sing in the choir at the St. Rose of Lima Church. We are having the memorial mass this Saturday. My choir director, Joe Jacovino, reminded us last night that, although we all still feel sad and are not looking forward to singing such sad lyrics, we are the music ministers of the church. He said that we have an obligation to keep it together for the good of the congregation.

I have four children in the Newtown school system and they ALL came home safely that day. I was in lock down in one of the schools and it was terrifying. This morning, I was thinking of what he said and wrote this Poem. I hope you like it.

Please share if you think these words can help someone you know.

Respectfully,
Kerri Cartelli

In Memory
by Kerri Cartelli

I’ve hung up the stockings,
and we’ve trimmed the tree.
Took the annual photo,
of my family.

I’ve sent out the greetings,
to all of our friends……
But something is missing….
Our angels in Heaven.

It wasn’t so long ago,
In fact, like yesterday
That 26 people,
were taken away.

The how’s and the why’s,
are still so confusing.
To ponder these questions,
now seems kind of useless.

It forces me still,
to feel emotions like anger.
Fear and disgust,
a people in danger.

I shake off the evil,
and move on to the love,
that brought us together,
and think of the manger.

I envision us all,
a congregation of one,
As I gaze on the scene,
where Jesus once was.

He’s standing with them,
and guides their attention,
to all of us kneeling,
and praying before Him.

It’s a vision so many,
sadly will never see.
Anger and fear,
separates them from He.

And the angels who left,
this world so abruptly,
whisper sweet words,
of love and forgiveness.

He has them, it’s true.
And we want them here.
This feeling won’t change,
but it does become clear.

That when I am singing,
at mass Christmas Eve,
and think of the children,
and parents who grieve,
I will not give in,
to the sadness I see.
I’ll grab hold of those,
who are still around me.

I’ll help out a stranger,
who may be alone.
I’ll offer a ride,
to someone too old
and solo.

I’ll make a commitment,
to do acts of kindness,
and realize that I,
am still able to harness,
the love that exists,
in this town and this world.

A legacy left,
by our angels and Savior.

To do all these things,
in light of such evil,
is God’s will I think,
and by no means is simple.

I was given a gift,
on that terrible day.
My children came home,
were not taken away.

I still am in awe,
of those stricken parents,
who deal with their loss,
and are forced to just bear it.
.
To continue to grieve,
so openly,
sometimes feels selfish.
Dig deep and you’ll see,
that when tragedy passed over my family that morning,
I was charged,
with the obligation,
to earn it!

A year has gone by.
Days and weeks,
slipped so quickly.
I light one white candle,
in memory of thee.

And pray that it’s light,
may offer consolement,
and remind us that,
26 Angels are listening.

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What is Advent?

What is Advent? I have been a Roman Catholic my entire life. I am now 42 and just learned what Advent is. As a child, I saw the colored candles in church, noticed the priests wore different colored vestments (robes) and just counted the days till Christmas Eve.

The day after Thanksgiving last week, I pulled out all the decorations and started going through everything. My children were excited and annoying me, so I kicked them out of the living room. They weren’t going ruin my fun. I carefully cleaned the ceramic items, fixed anything that was damaged while being transported from the attic down the stairs, etc. I began cursing the cracks in the walls and the old furniture. My decorations would be perfect and stay that way!

On Saturday evening, after screaming at my children most of the day to leave me alone, I brought them to mass. Sitting proudly in the pew, thinking what a good mother I was, I listened to the readings. The gospel was about how we, as Christians, need to stay awake and alert. When God sent His son to earth, He was fulfilling a promise He made. When Jesus was killed on the cross, He opened the gates of Heavan so that we could be with Him after death.

The Purpose of Advent is to prepare ourselves for the coming of Jesus. I thought to myself, well He already came so why the big fuss. The big fuss is that He is going to come again. So, when we stay alert and listen and prepare for Jesus now, it is for His coming again! Advent reminds us of that promise. It reminds us to stay vigilant in our daily lives. Now I’m not talking about becoming a Holy Roller! All I am saying is that, for me, it means to continue to do the next right thing always.

The priest spoke about Black Friday and how people were stabbed over parking spaces, tazed and trampled for a $79 television. He told us to try and resist the urge to overload ourselves in the first couple of weeks of Advent. He said that instead of going crazy with the decorations and the shopping and the mayhem that Christmas has become, and sit quietly. Think about why we are doing all of this and why we celebrate Christmas at all. To appreciate your family and love and cherish them. I began thinking about earlier that day when I banished my children from the room, started cursing my life for having money problems and just allowing selfishness to take over.

Some people wonder why Catholics attend mass on a weekly basis. Why we sit in the pews, stand up, sit down, stand up, kneel down, etc. Why we listen to a priest who, in most cases, has no experience with having children or being married. Who doesn’t own a home and always is sheltered and fed. The way I see it is this. I have faith and love Jesus. He has carried me through dark times. He has been with me through triumphs I had never dreamed possible. He was with me when twenty children were murdered a half mile away from my home. I sit and listen every week because when the priest reflects on the gospel reading that week, he is speaking to me. God Himself called to these men to give us His message. To explain the words in the Bible that can sometimes be so difficult to understand and take in. God has given them a special gift to see the messages that I cannot see through my busy life with children and bills and payments, etc. He is re-affirming how I should behave in my daily life and how I can be a better person. He fills up my well! By time I make it to mass the next week, my well is bone dry. But, I know that after mass, having been in my safe place, it will be full again.

So this Advent season, I compel you all who believe, to sit quietly, reflect and look inward. To realize that all the hustle and bustle, Christmas lights and decorations, and gift frenzied shopping is all for one purpose. To prepare the way for Jesus to come and take us home. Sit and read a Christmas story to your child. Get an Advent wreath and let the children light it each night. Read the Magnificat Advent Companion each morning, or in the car waiting for the traffic to move or when you are sitting in the coffee shop stressing over everything you have to get done.

Try and make this Christmas more special by seeing the wonder the children’s eyes, teaching them what it all this truly means, having them do acts of kindness as gifts instead of buying things.
I have to be honest and say that after mass, I hugged my children tighter, let them play with my stellar nutcrackers, re-arrange some of the decorations and we watched a nice movie together.
I guess you could say I was counting my blessings.

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