I live in Newtown, CT.
I lived through the tragedy first hand but not having lost a child of my own.
A strange Issue many parents in town have is something called “survivors guilt.“. Strange but true.
I have had so many ideas about what to do as a writer in response to the tragedy. I am putting a couple of videos together that I will present at some point. I have had other ideas that involved contacting the parents and families of the victims.
Before I go on, I have to say that I love to write. I love to read good writing. I truly in my core believe that if I write something down, it becomes truth. It must be true.
I believe that too many people in this society “talk the talk” but not many “walk the walk!”
I have a saying that I picked up from my husband whose father always said to him.
People say they’re sorry. I’m sorry for this, I’m sorry for that. But seldom do you hear, I’m sorry…and this is what I will do to change it.
The saying that I picked up and always say to my children and to those children I taught was is:
I know that you’re sorry. Sorry is doing the right thing.
Sometimes I explain more.
My children know what it means already.
So in terms of my connection to Newtown, I had to steadfastly investigate my motives prior to writing anything related to the tragedy.
One idea was to contact the parents, ask them to write and recite a letter they would write to their child. This is a good idea, but not for me.
Next idea was to contact celebrities who live in town and get their point of view. Again, looking for notoriety.
Third was to interview children, etc, etc.
Bad idea altogether!!!
Upon checking my motives, I realized that all of these actions would be self serving. They would in no way honor the Victims and the families. It would only benefit my blog.
So in light of all this I will not interview victims and bother celebrities and traumatize children.
I will just talk about what I know to be true. What I experienced and how I feel. Because when I write words down on paper, or in this case type on a smart phone, it is like I am cleansing my self. My noisy brain quiets down. My breathing becomes more stable and I just feel better.
It’s almost 1:00AM right now. I was in bed, lights out, head on pillow saying my prayers and I picked up the smart phone and had to write this all out.
Now I’ll be able to sleep, I hope, and wake up in the morning with the kids.
Since I started this blog I have so many things I want to write about. So many ideas. So many thoughts. I just don’t have enough time in the day to do it.
And on a more personal note.
I was a troubled teenager. Due to circumstances beyond my control, I was very angry. I could care less about most things. That may sound like normal teenage behavior but I crossed the line on too many occasions. I constantly cut out of class.
I just had better things to do.
But, I had one class that I NEVER missed.
Can you guess what that was?
When I was in that room writing,
I was normal. I felt smart and special.
I was praised for my talent and encouraged to continue.
Was it the teacher specifically?
Either way, I loved it and it saved me from myself at that time.
I also never cut out of Guitar class,
but that was my scene and all the guys were cute!!!
All I am saying is that in my case, and being a resident of Newtown, I feel I have a responsibility to approach all thing related to the tragedy with humility and love.
Since the tragedy, i realized how close knit a community we really are. Something I would have never considered or believed prior to the shootings. We were actually considering relocating south that very morning. We aren’t going anywhere now.
I also felt this same way after 9/11.
We had just moved to Sandy Hook two months prior to the attack and we both felt awful that we weren’t there. There goes that guilt again.
Well everyone, I’ve said enough. I appreciate your reading this through for those that do, and I am sure I will post something later.
After all, I’m a writer.