Behind These Eyes, Newtown Tragedy

I watched “Frontline” on PBS tonight. The story was about Adam Lanza, the murderer, who after killing his mother, proceeded to shoot and kill 20 children and 6 adults at the Sandy Hook School.

After watching the show these words came to my mind and I had to write them down.

This poem is called “Behind These Eyes” because I was trying to understand what he could have been thinking to commit such a heinous act on innocence.

How could no one have seen him coming. I’m not judging! Just grasping at straws. Poetry is my only medium for explanation.

Warning: This is heavy!

Behind These Eyes

Behind the eyes of me
You think you see what I see
Conflict, rage and grief
They see me sitting quietly
Speaking in whispers
Tormenting my inability
To just be

Leave me now
I sit alone
Always alone
You think I am at peace
But silence is deceitful
Behind these eyes
Brewing…..
I wait

Throw your pebble at me
My hatred is the ripple
Growing
Inward the noise is deafening
Appearing to submit
I wait

Behind these eyes I design my plan
You will see what I see
I wait

A fleeting attempt at contact
Mother,
In vain, wordlessly
pleading for absolution
No response equals indignity
Left alone
I wait

Contributing to my intolerance of you
Who thinks she sees what I see
I wait

Reflections in a monitor
At will I am the architect
I am the enforcer
of all that you’ve feared
I am…….ignored
I wait

This is who you know me to be
Creating my legacy of who I am
And who I will be remembered to be
A monster
I wait

You should see me now
Revelations will come to pass
As everyone will see me
All will see what I’ve seen
behind these eyes for too long
I despair

Finally all will see

You should have seen me.

About goplayintraffic

My Blog, which began as a mommy blog and turned into a writing website, www.write2survive.com, is the product of my years of being home with my children and trying to find ways to keep myself sane. I have always had this feeling, coming from a single mother, that I have to contribute financially and that I have to be able to take care of myself and my children. having been married, being a NYC school teacher, having four children, living in Newtown, CT and trying to find a way to get through each day with a smile has always been something I've strived for. My stories, articles and poems will do a lot of things but mostly make you feel. I think that is what is so wonderful about having the ability to write. I have been given the gift of taking my emotions and transferring them to written word. Once that is done, I can share those words with others who may feel better, maybe just for a moment, but better nonetheless having read my words. I am glad you are here and hope you will stay:)

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