They Call Me a Cutter

This is the last time
She says to herself
Blood runs down her arms
Satisfaction
I’ll show them

Rage moments before
Subsiding
Breathing returning to normal
Realization of her action
Again

Have to hide it
Can’t show them
More trouble
More disappointed faces
More lectures
More whispers
More guidance counselors
More sympathetic looks
I crave it and hate it
All at once

They call me a cutter
They call me confused
They call me depressed
They call me a child

They ask me nothing!

That was the last time
No this is the last time
Bottles, cans, knives, fingernails

Superficial
No Real damage
Just to remind me
of the trash I have become
Or have always been

Battle scars
The battlefield in my mind
The noise
The rage
The lack of control
This I can control
Until I can’t

That was the last time
No this is the last time
Too deep this time

Oh shit
Too deep
Cannot hide this
Cannot believe this
Cannot run away from this

Last time
I Promise

Til next time

They call me a cutter
I call me invisible

Advertisements

About goplayintraffic

My Blog, which began as a mommy blog and turned into a writing website, www.write2survive.com, is the product of my years of being home with my children and trying to find ways to keep myself sane. I have always had this feeling, coming from a single mother, that I have to contribute financially and that I have to be able to take care of myself and my children. having been married, being a NYC school teacher, having four children, living in Newtown, CT and trying to find a way to get through each day with a smile has always been something I've strived for. My stories, articles and poems will do a lot of things but mostly make you feel. I think that is what is so wonderful about having the ability to write. I have been given the gift of taking my emotions and transferring them to written word. Once that is done, I can share those words with others who may feel better, maybe just for a moment, but better nonetheless having read my words. I am glad you are here and hope you will stay:)
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to They Call Me a Cutter

  1. SPUN8 says:

    Hi. Your post is something as a mother I can relate to. I enjoy your blog. I do not know how you feel about blogging awards, but I nominated you for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award. More details at
    http://wp.me/s2J8wV-award I too have a few sticky floors.. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s