Hello MS……I See You Have Come to Visit Me Again

Multiple Sclerosis is like a thief that comes in the night.
I go to sleep feeling fine.  Strong, resilient, ready to take on anything.
Then, I wake up and think, something’s not right.

My next thought is, “Hello MS.  I see you’ve come to visit me again!”  Although I have the feeling something is up, I don’t know for sure until I get up and try to walk.  Not happening.  I do my stretches, my back being the worst, get the heating pad, loosen up the muscles and  then try again. This usually gets me moving.  I do a sort of shuffle.  Holding on to the walls.  Going slow.  My kids have the familiar look of dread on their faces.  My little ones come to the rescue, making sure I don’t fall.  I tell them I’ll be fine, but the truth is, I have no idea how long it will last.  I have no idea how bad the flare is or will become in the coming days, and the worst part of all is, there is nothing at all I can do about it!  Talking is also a problem when I am in a bad one.  I can tell but thankfully no one else can.  It’s hard to explain, so I won’t try.

I can go the route the neurologist suggests and get IV steroids for a week, but that’s a short term fix that is worse than my MS symptoms.  I have to go to the hospital for five days in a row which means my husband having to take time out of work to drive me.  Then wait to pick me up.  I have an IV stuck in my arm at all times and I can’t shower.  Not that I will anyway because it is too dangerous.  I get poked a few times becuase my veins are no longer willing to accept the needles.  They are hiding.  It also means me being a sick mess for two weeks.  First, being on the steroids themselves makes me sick.  I am a shaking, hyper mess.  Can’t sleep, take heart burn medicine, yuck!  Then coming off them is even worse.  They don’t do it nice and slowly.  They pop the IV out and say, “Good Luck!”  So for a week I am in physical pain from the steroids, sick and exhausted.  Not to mention how my immune system says, “WHAAAATTTT????”

Either way, it’s not an option I will take.  I’d rather just wait it out.
This is where my writing becomes a gift.  Even though my legs aren’t working and my hands are a little shaky, I can still sit and type.  I can pray which is always a plus and I can read.  Unless I have a little inflammation in my eyes which could be an issue but right now is not.

It pretty much just sucks all around.  I feel like I am stuck in a cage looking out at the world waiting for someone to open the little hatch.  Right now I can peek out.

I began the post with, MS is like a thief.  It takes away my mobility and self reliance just like that.  I have no idea when it’s coming and I have no idea when I will be returned back to normal.

So my WordPress friends, that is my story today.
No witty posts, or poems, not even a limerick.  Just an update.

Maybe later something creative will come.

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About goplayintraffic

My Blog, which began as a mommy blog and turned into a writing website, www.write2survive.com, is the product of my years of being home with my children and trying to find ways to keep myself sane. I have always had this feeling, coming from a single mother, that I have to contribute financially and that I have to be able to take care of myself and my children. having been married, being a NYC school teacher, having four children, living in Newtown, CT and trying to find a way to get through each day with a smile has always been something I've strived for. My stories, articles and poems will do a lot of things but mostly make you feel. I think that is what is so wonderful about having the ability to write. I have been given the gift of taking my emotions and transferring them to written word. Once that is done, I can share those words with others who may feel better, maybe just for a moment, but better nonetheless having read my words. I am glad you are here and hope you will stay:)
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